September 17th, 2002


Rehearsal, Coaching , Dinner and Jeff

I admit...I was in a bad mood Monday. Just pissed off...I had an okay rehearsal...there is one section in my scene that I have to review!!! I know what spot...other than that I think I have it...
I need to memorize today and tomorrow...memory check on Thursday...Mark helped me yesterday...he is the best coach I have ever worked with. He asked Janet..."does she really need to have songs ready for memory check?" Janet says: "Don't even go there Carol...yes she does!!!" Mark's reply: "And you call me the ball master?" This is what I have to put up with at school argh. So I think I have two songs ready...I will have them ready I have no choice...Just have to think what Mark said to me...apply it to the i am going to work on it now...
My boss has discovered IM'ing...I am working at home so this is practical...but she is starting to bug me off work time...I like her but it is annoying...
I had a not a flashback but a bad memory over dinner yesterday. No one would tell me what was for dinner. Mom used to pull that shit with me. I hated it. She was a camp survivor like my Dad. Food was always her way to control me. I have to realize that Mom doesn't live here...I do. She used to serve me rotten food or bad food or old food. Then she used to serve me junk food and tell me I was fat. I would starve in my own house. I learned how to reheat canned food when I got home since I was on my own after when dinner came I didn't have to eat it...Taco Bell was my friend...Tacos and burritos were cheap and I used to have enough money to buy something that would hold me over unitl morning...Breakfast was okay even though I couldn't eat. Lunch was worse...I remember one time my Mom had moldy bread and gave me a sandwich...all the kids teased me and called me "Mildew Monster" because I ate can be so cruel...more later on this subject.
Jeff and I talked finally...he is worried about his living situation...but we had a good talk and all is somewhat better. He promised me that we will definitely see each other on Friday...I am not holding my breath but I do believe him.
Today I am a bit calmer...time to memorize.
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